Finding Support for Dissociation: Therapy Options in Oakland

Nov 7

When you're feeling disconnected from yourself or your life, finding the right support can feel overwhelming. Maybe you're searching for help with dissociation here in Oakland, and you're not quite sure where to start. I'm here to make that process easier by breaking down what therapy for dissociation involves and how it can help you reconnect with yourself and the present moment.

Key Takeaways

Dissociation is a natural coping response to overwhelming experiences that can persist long after the initial stress or trauma
Therapy for dissociation focuses on helping you process difficult experiences and rebuild connection with yourself
Approaches like Attachment-Focused EMDR, Somatic Therapy, and Parts Work can address disconnection
The therapy process begins with a free consultation and develops into personalized, ongoing support tailored to your needs
Individual, couples, and family therapy can all address dissociation and related patterns like anxiety, perfectionism, and relationship struggles

Understanding Dissociation

What Dissociation Really Means

Dissociation is your mind's built-in pause button—a survival mechanism that kicks in when experiences feel too overwhelming to process in the moment. It's your psyche's way of creating distance from intense stress, fear, or pain. When this happens, you might feel separated from your thoughts, emotions, memories, or sense of self.

While dissociation serves an important protective function during difficult times, it can become a habitual response that persists even when you're safe. This ongoing disconnection can affect your relationships, your sense of identity, and your ability to be fully present in your daily life.

How Disconnection Shows Up

Dissociation looks different for everyone. Sometimes it's feeling emotionally flat, like you're moving through life without really feeling anything. Other times it's more like watching your life unfold from a distance, as if you're observing rather than participating. You might also have deep cognitive insights about your own patterns, you can intellectually understand what's happening and even analyze it clearly, but you don't actually feel your emotions. You might notice gaps in your memory or feel detached from your physical body.

Here are some common experiences of disconnection:

Emotional numbing: Feeling empty or cut off from your feelings, or sometimes being overwhelmed by emotions that feel too big to contain
Identity questions: Uncertainty about who you are or feeling like different aspects of yourself don't quite align, which can include disconnection from parts of your cultural identity
Memory disruptions: Missing chunks of time, specific events, or entire periods of your life
Observing rather than living: Feeling like you're watching your life from outside yourself or feeling separated from your physical sensations
Difficulty staying present: Struggling to focus on what's happening now, often feeling mentally elsewhere or disconnected from your surroundings

The Connection Between Past Experiences and Dissociation

Dissociation and difficult past experiences are often deeply connected. When someone faces something frightening or deeply upsetting, dissociation can emerge as protection—your mind's way of saying, "This is too much to handle right now." This response can be incredibly helpful during the actual experience.

The challenge arises when this coping pattern continues even after the threat has passed. For many people, particularly those who've experienced ongoing stress or complex family dynamics, dissociation can become a default way of being. This leads to persistent feelings of being separated from yourself, from others, and from the present moment. It's often a sign that your mind and body are still managing the impact of earlier experiences, which is where therapy can help you process what happened and develop new ways of navigating the world.

My Approach to Supporting Dissociation

Supporting Asian-American Adults Through Disconnection

In my practice, I work primarily with Asian-American adults who are navigating the unique experiences of being 1.5 or second-generation immigrants. This includes understanding how intergenerational patterns, family expectations, and the experience of moving between cultures can contribute to feelings of disconnection.

When you grow up navigating multiple cultural worlds, there's often pressure to meet expectations from different directions—family obligations, professional achievement, and the unspoken rules about how to be. These pressures can sometimes lead to disconnecting from your own needs and feelings as a way to cope. Many of us also observe and internalize how our families handle big emotions—perhaps through suppression, staying busy, or simply not talking about feelings. These coping patterns get passed down through generations, and we learn early on that disconnecting from emotions might be safer or more acceptable than expressing them. I understand these dynamics from personal experience as an immigrant myself, and I bring that understanding into our work together.

How I Work With Trauma and Disconnection

My approach centers on understanding how past experiences shape your present-day patterns. I won't rush you or push you to revisit difficult memories before you're ready. Instead, we'll create a foundation of safety and trust where you can explore challenging experiences at your own pace.

This way of working focuses on collaboration, transparency, and respecting your autonomy throughout the process. It's about building a strong therapeutic relationship where you feel genuinely safe to do the deep work of healing.

Honoring Your Full Identity

Your cultural background, values, and traditions are central to who you are—and they're central to our work together too. I recognize how cultural, intergenerational patterns of disconnecting from big emotions shape the way that you relate to your feelings, especially difficult ones.

Rather than applying a one-size-fits-all approach, I tailor our work to fit your life, your values, and your goals. This means our sessions honor where you come from while supporting where you want to go.

Therapeutic Approaches I Use for Dissociation

When addressing dissociation, I draw from several therapeutic approaches, adapting them to what you need most. The goal is always to help you feel more connected to yourself and more present in your life.

Attachment-Focused EMDR

This approach helps you process difficult experiences, particularly those rooted in childhood or passed down through generations. It's especially helpful for working through early wounds that affect how you connect with others today. Beyond an intellectual understanding of your patterns, attachment-focused EMDR allows you to reconnect with and digest your emotional experiences. Through this method, we can address trauma while building a stronger, more integrated sense of self.

Parts Work

This approach recognizes that we all have different parts of ourselves—some that protect us, some that carry pain, and some that hold our deeper wisdom and authentic self. When you're experiencing dissociation, these parts can feel fragmented or in conflict with each other. Through parts work, we can help these different aspects of yourself communicate and work together more harmoniously. We'll explore how certain parts developed to protect you, often in response to difficult experiences, and gently work toward integration. This process helps you understand yourself with more compassion and reduces the internal conflict that can fuel disconnection.

Somatic Therapy

This body-centered approach recognizes that stress and difficult experiences are held physically, not just mentally. When you're experiencing dissociation, you might feel separated from your physical self. Through body awareness practices and techniques, we can help you reconnect with your physical experience, process emotions, and learn to regulate your nervous system more effectively.

These approaches aren't just about talking—they involve active techniques to help you process experiences and build new coping patterns. The specific methods we use will depend on your individual needs and what feels most comfortable for you.

What to Expect in Our Work Together

Starting therapy is a significant step, and I want you to know what to expect as we begin working together.

Free Consultation

Before committing to regular sessions, we'll start with a free 20-minute consultation. This conversation gives you a chance to share a bit about what brings you to therapy and what you're hoping to achieve. It's also your opportunity to ask questions, get a feel for my approach, and determine if we're a good fit. There's no pressure—this is simply about making sure you feel comfortable moving forward.

First Session

If we decide to work together, we'll get to know each other more deeply during the first several sessions. We'll explore what's happening in your life right now, discuss your history and background, and establish clear goals for our work together. This session sets the foundation for everything that follows and ensures we're aligned on where you want to go.

Ongoing Sessions

After we establish care, we'll typically meet weekly at a consistent time that works for your schedule. We can always adjust the frequency or reschedule as needed—flexibility is important. In our ongoing sessions, we'll dive deeper into your experiences, and I may suggest practices or exercises to help you build new skills. These might include ways to stay grounded in the present moment or techniques for managing difficult emotions. Everything I suggest is an invitation, never a requirement, and is always tailored to what feels manageable for you.

Please note that I don't provide crisis support. If you're in immediate danger or experiencing a mental health emergency, please contact 988 (Suicide and Crisis Lifeline) or go to your nearest emergency room.

Individual Therapy: Exploring Your Personal Experience

Working Through Personal Challenges

Individual therapy provides a private, judgment-free space to explore what's happening for you. We can examine those moments when you feel like you're watching life from the outside, when memories become unclear, or when you feel emotionally flat. We'll look at how disconnection affects your daily life—whether that's difficulty connecting with others, feeling numb, or sensing that something is just "off."

Building Self-Awareness

Reconnecting with yourself often means getting to know yourself in new ways, and learning to distinguish between what you THINK and how you FEEL. Dissociation can make it hard to identify what you're feeling or what you truly want. In our sessions, we'll work on building that awareness. This involves noticing your body's signals, observing your emotions without being overwhelmed by them, and recognizing the patterns that lead to disconnection.

This isn't about forcing yourself to feel certain things. Rather, it's about creating safety to gently explore your inner world. We'll use grounding techniques to help you stay present, which is often the first step toward feeling more connected to yourself. This is where you begin to reclaim your own story and understand your unique experiences. If you're interested in this body-centered approach, you can learn more about somatic therapy in Oakland.

Moving Toward Your Goals

As we build self-awareness together, we'll also look at where you want to go. What would a more connected and authentic life look like for you? Maybe it's about strengthening relationships, feeling more confident in your choices, or simply being more present in everyday moments. We'll set goals together that feel meaningful to you—not rigid targets, but guideposts for your healing journey. This work is about growth at your own pace, and we'll acknowledge every step forward along the way.

Couples Therapy: Rebuilding Connection

Sometimes distance develops even in the closest relationships. You might find yourselves talking past each other, feeling more like roommates than partners, or cycling through the same arguments repeatedly. This disconnection can be particularly challenging when it stems from deeper issues like unresolved hurts or differing cultural backgrounds that haven't been fully understood.

Couples therapy offers a dedicated space to bridge that distance and rebuild genuine connection. This isn't about blame—it's about understanding the patterns that have developed and learning new ways to relate. We'll examine how communication has been breaking down and explore what might be underneath those recurring conflicts. Often these patterns connect to earlier experiences, sometimes from your families of origin, and bringing that awareness into the room can shift everything.

Here's what we can work on together:

Recognizing destructive cycles: We'll identify those repetitive arguments or periods of silence that leave you both feeling disconnected. Understanding the pattern is the first step toward changing it.
Developing communication skills: This isn't just about talking more—it's about talking differently. We'll practice expressing your needs clearly and, equally important, truly hearing your partner.
Expressing what's underneath: Often what comes out in arguments isn't the deeper feeling. We'll work on getting to the heart of what you really feel and what you need from each other, and how to share that vulnerability.
Creating new solutions together: With improved communication and understanding, you can approach old problems with fresh perspectives, working as a team to build a more fulfilling partnership.

This work takes courage, but the reward is a relationship where both partners feel truly seen, heard, and connected. This can be especially meaningful for Asian-American couples navigating unique family and cultural expectations.

Family Therapy: Addressing Intergenerational Patterns

Sometimes the weight of experiences that happened before you were born affects how you feel and function today. This is particularly true with intergenerational patterns—dynamics, beliefs, and coping strategies that get passed down through generations. Immigration stories, family hardships, or survival experiences that your parents or grandparents went through can shape family patterns in ways that aren't immediately obvious but show up as disconnection, anxiety, or tension in current relationships.

Family therapy offers a way to examine these dynamics. This isn't about assigning blame—it's about understanding how past events might be influencing present-day interactions. We can explore how family members communicate (or avoid communicating) and how that impacts everyone involved. The goal is creating space where difficult topics can be discussed openly and with compassion.

Here's what we can address in family therapy:

Understanding family patterns: We'll look at how experiences like immigration, cultural expectations, or past hardships have shaped how your family handles stress, success, and emotional expression. It's about seeing the fuller picture.
Healing intergenerational wounds: Sometimes pain from previous generations creates unspoken tension or misunderstandings. Family therapy can help acknowledge and begin healing these deeper wounds, creating a path toward resolution.
Strengthening family bonds: By improving communication and understanding, families can learn to support each other in healthier ways. This means finding balance between honoring family history and meeting individual needs, leading to more authentic connections.

Addressing Related Patterns

Dissociation rarely exists in isolation. It often appears alongside other struggles like anxiety, perfectionism, or burnout. When you're dealing with stress or difficult past experiences, your mind and body can respond in various ways.

Working With Anxiety

That constant edge of worry can be exhausting, and it often accompanies dissociation. It's as if your system is always on alert, trying to protect you, but it ends up making everyday life feel overwhelming. We can work together to help you calm your nervous system and feel more present in your own life, exploring what triggers that anxiety and finding ways to manage it so it doesn't control your days.

Supporting You Through Low Periods

When you're feeling disconnected, it's easy to fall into periods where everything feels flat. Things that used to bring joy might feel meaningless, and basic daily tasks can feel monumental. This isn't a personal failing—these feelings are often responses to underlying stress or unresolved experiences. We can work together to understand these feelings and find your way back to feeling more engaged and hopeful.

Addressing Burnout

Burnout goes beyond regular tiredness. It's that feeling of being completely depleted, emotionally and mentally, often from prolonged stress. For many people, especially those juggling multiple cultural expectations or demanding careers, burnout can become chronic. It can make you feel detached, irritable, and simply exhausted with everything. Support for burnout means examining what's causing the exhaustion and rebuilding your energy and sense of self, so you're not just surviving but actually living.

Moving Beyond Perfectionism

The drive to be perfect often comes from somewhere—maybe family expectations, cultural messages about success, or early experiences where being "good enough" didn't feel good enough. Perfectionism can fuel disconnection because you're so focused on meeting impossible standards that you lose touch with what you actually feel and need. We can explore where these patterns come from and work toward self-acceptance and more realistic expectations.

Working Through Guilt and Shame

Guilt and shame can be powerful forces that keep you disconnected from yourself. These feelings often have roots in family messages, cultural expectations, or past experiences. When guilt and shame take hold, they can make it difficult to feel worthy of care or connection. We'll work on understanding where these feelings come from and developing more compassionate ways of relating to yourself.

Navigating Caretaking and Setting Boundaries

Many people find themselves caught in patterns where they're constantly caring for others at the expense of their own needs. You might be the person who always says yes, even when you're overwhelmed. This often happens when caring for others becomes the primary way you feel valuable, or when you believe you're responsible for everyone else's wellbeing. It's exhausting and can lead to deep resentment, yet changing it feels impossibly hard.

Moving Beyond People-Pleasing

People-pleasing is essentially a habit of consistently putting others' needs far ahead of your own. It often begins early—maybe you learned that being helpful was the surest way to receive love or approval, or perhaps you felt responsible for maintaining peace in your family. This pattern can leave you disconnected from what you actually want and need. You've been so focused on what everyone else requires that you've lost touch with your own desires and feelings.

Signs you might be stuck in people-pleasing patterns:

Extreme difficulty saying "no" to requests, even when you're already overextended
Frequently apologizing even when you haven't done anything wrong
Intense worry about others' perceptions and going to great lengths to avoid conflict
Feeling guilty when you take time for yourself or do something solely for your own benefit

Creating Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries are the invisible lines that protect your energy, time, and emotional space. When you're in caretaking or people-pleasing patterns, these lines often blur or disappear entirely. Setting boundaries can feel deeply uncomfortable at first, particularly if you worry about disappointing people or creating conflict. But boundaries are essential for your wellbeing.

Think of it this way: you can't pour from an empty cup. Setting boundaries isn't selfish—it's about ensuring you have enough to give without completely depleting yourself. It's about creating relationships where both people feel respected and cared for. When you set boundaries, you're also reconnecting with yourself—you have to tune into your own feelings and needs to know what your limits actually are. This practice directly counters dissociation because it requires you to stay present with your internal experience rather than disconnecting from it. Learning to communicate your limits clearly, even when it's challenging, is a significant step toward both healthier connections and a stronger connection with yourself. You can start by practicing setting boundaries in small ways and gradually building from there.

Prioritizing Your Own Wellbeing

When you've spent years focusing on everyone else, the idea of prioritizing yourself can feel foreign or even wrong. But it's not. Taking care of yourself isn't optional—it's necessary. This means making time for what recharges you, whether that's solitude, pursuing a hobby, or simply getting adequate sleep. It also means paying attention to your own feelings and needs instead of pushing them aside.

You deserve care and attention just as much as anyone else. This shift in focus can be challenging, especially if you've been conditioned to believe your worth comes from what you do for others. But by consistently making space for your own wellbeing, you build a stronger sense of self and create a more balanced, fulfilling life.

Session Formats: Online and In-Person Options

I offer both online and in-person sessions to accommodate different preferences and needs.

Online Therapy Throughout California

Online therapy has become increasingly common because of its convenience and accessibility. You can connect with me from your home or office, which often makes it easier to fit therapy into a busy schedule. Many people find that being in their own space helps them open up more comfortably. I provide online sessions throughout California, so you're not limited by location.

Benefits of online sessions:

Access from wherever you're comfortable
Ideal for busy professionals
Maintains privacy
No travel time required

In-Person Sessions in Oakland

For some people, meeting face-to-face feels essential. In-person sessions at my Oakland office offer a different quality of connection. Being in a dedicated therapy space can help you focus entirely on the work without the distractions of your usual environment. It creates a distinct container for healing and can strengthen the therapeutic relationship in unique ways.

Getting Started

After our initial consultation, if you decide to move forward, we'll then schedule your first full session where we'll begin building our therapeutic relationship and establishing goals for our work together. You can learn more about my Oakland location and the process of getting started.

Beginning Your Journey Toward Connection

Considering therapy for dissociation takes real courage. There's no set timeline for healing, and what works for one person may not be right for another. The goal is finding an approach that honors your unique experiences, your background, and your cultural identity.

As you work through disconnection, you may find yourself feeling more aligned with who you truly are. This can extend to your relationships, your community, and your heritage. It's about building a stronger sense of self, which can lead to increased creativity, more fulfilling relationships, and greater resilience. You're essentially creating a foundation for emotional wellbeing and personal growth.

Taking the First Step

Recognizing that you want things to be different is itself a significant move. It's okay to feel uncertain or nervous about what comes next. Many people find that reaching out for a consultation helps them get a sense of whether therapy feels right for them. It's a chance to ask questions and explore the possibility without pressure.

What Healing Can Look Like

Ultimately, this work is about helping you reconnect with your authentic self. Dissociation creates separation, and healing involves bringing those parts back together. It's about finding ways to live more fully and authentically, honoring who you are. This might involve learning to manage difficult emotions, setting healthy boundaries, and building stronger relationships. It's a process of rediscovery and growth leading to a more integrated and fulfilling life.

If you're looking for support in addressing dissociation or related patterns, I invite you to reach out. You can learn more about my approach to trauma-informed support or schedule a free consultation to see if we're a good fit.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is dissociation?

Dissociation is your mind's way of creating distance from overwhelming experiences. When situations feel too intense, your brain can make you feel separated from what's happening, your emotions, or your sense of self. It's a protective response that can be helpful in the moment but may persist even after the threat has passed.

How do I know if I'm experiencing dissociation?

Dissociation looks different for everyone. You might feel like you're observing yourself from outside your body, notice gaps in your memory, feel emotionally numb, or struggle to feel connected to your surroundings or other people. Sometimes it feels like moving through life without really being present. You might have a strong intellectual understanding of your struggles, but find yourself repeating unhealthy patterns and feeling disconnected from your emotions.

Is dissociation always related to difficult past experiences?

Often, yes. Dissociation is a common response to overwhelming experiences or ongoing stress. It functions as a protective shield when you're going through something difficult. Sometimes this protection continues even when it's no longer needed, creating challenges in the present.

What therapeutic approaches help with dissociation?

Several approaches can be helpful, including Attachment-Focused EMDR, Parts Work, and Somatic Therapy. These methods focus on processing difficult experiences, reconnecting with your body, and strengthening relationships. Together we can determine which approaches might work best for you.

What happens in the first session?

The first session is about getting to know each other. We'll talk about what's happening in your life, your background, and what you hope to achieve through therapy. It's an opportunity for me to understand you better and for you to determine if you feel comfortable working with me. We'll also begin creating a plan for our work together.

Can couples therapy help with feeling disconnected?

Absolutely. If you and your partner feel distant from each other, couples therapy can help you understand why and develop better ways of communicating. It's about finding ways to connect more deeply, resolve conflicts constructively, and build a stronger relationship together.

How do I start working with you?

The first step is reaching out to schedule a free 20-minute consultation. This conversation gives us a chance to talk about what you're experiencing and see if we're a good match. From there, if it feels right, we can schedule your first full session and begin working together.

Do you offer both online and in-person sessions?

Yes, I offer both online sessions (available throughout California) and in-person sessions at my Oakland office. We can discuss which format works best for you during our initial consultation.

Laura Bai